Alright Sis, here are a few quick tips that I have found useful in preventing postpartum depression. As a mom of twins and two singletons, I know firsthand how quickly emotions and circumstances can spiral out of control. There will be days where you will cry, feel overwhelmed, and feel like packing a bag and leaving town. No, you’re not a bad mom for having those thoughts, it just means you need to have grace with yourself and ask for help. Please Please take the help that is offered to you with good judgment of course and practice these 5 steps to help prevent sinking into that dark hole mamas get lost in.
Tip #1: Find Balance
As a first-time mom, I definitely made things harder on myself by being stricken by fear, control, and refusing almost all help. Of course, as a first-time mother, you want everything to be just right. You want the nursery to be the perfect color, non-toxic toys, the best bottles, organic cotton, and the works! Trust me, while these things sound great and are certainly nice to have, don’t stress yourself out too much over it. Find a balance and make a list of things that are an absolute must-have and a list for things that you are willing to be lenient with or compromise on. I stressed myself out trying to be the perfect new mom and make sure that I appeared to have it all together, especially since I was a young mother then.
Tip#2: Ask for and Accept help
A major key in preventing postpartum depression is lightening your load. Late-night pumping sessions, early nursing, eyes red while changing diapers, this will become mundane very quickly and you will feel exhausted and will surely be sleep deprived. A lack of sleep scientifically affects our immune system, emotions, and chemical balances within our brain. Oxytocin, the happy chemical in our brains during this precious season in life will be like gold.
Whether married or a single mother, having extra help is a must. Don’t be afraid to call up your friend and ask if she can sit in your living room and watch a movie with your baby while you take a nap. Maybe even before your due date, you can ask a few friends and family members if they would be willing to make or deliver one meal. I’m sure they would be glad to feed a mama who just birthed a beautiful being into the world. After having my children I didn’t want many visitors right away, especially while having my twins in the middle of a pandemic.
However, my advice would be to designate at least two people that you know that you can count on to be available to help with maybe coming in to help with laundry for a couple of weeks, make a meal, or clean your kitchen for you. There are so many ways you can receive help without necessarily having the baby out of your sight. I get it, we are like mama bears, we want our cubs by our side and protected from all of the germs, and that one cousin that you never see that asked if she could come to watch your baby. Yeah, no thanks. I understand your concerns sis but accept help where you can and feel comfortable with.
Tip# 3: Take care of your Temple
When having little ones depending on you for their every need, we can definitely get lost in the “baby world” and forget about ourselves. That’s the very nature of a mama bear, she will fight and give her last breath for her cubs. While this sounds heroic, without self-care you won’t be the best version of yourself or for your baby bear.
Take care of your Temple. Your temple is what fuels your mind, body, and spirit which uniquely displays you. Make sure you are still eating a fortifying breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Make smoothies or prep healthy snacks ahead of time that will boost your energy.
Though it may seem impossible, in order to keep your brain function healthy, make sure you find time to journal, drink coffee in silence, read your daily devotional or do something that is uplifting and calming to your spirit. Taking time for yourself each day will help you retain your identity aside from being a mom and wife. After all, before you wore those hats you were yourself and will always have yourself when those bear cubs are all grown up.
I admit, after my first pregnancy I quickly became pregnant with our second daughter and struggled greatly in retaining my identity. I had forgotten my passions, my corkiness, my ability to just be” me”. It wasn’t until I had a close encounter with a breakdown that I had to take a step back and realize that I needed to make some changes to my routine or else my girls would not have a mentally sound mama. That’s when I immediately got a devotional/ “Women of the Bible” study book and a new journal. I needed something that I could look forward to each day that would allow me my quiet coffee time, prayer time, and spiritual growth all wrapped up in 30-60 minutes. Though mornings are ideal for me to do my self-care time, life is unpredictable as a parent and I had to find time throughout the day whenever it presented itself to me. Perhaps during a nap-time, pumping session, or at night once I put the girls to bed.
Whatever you do, remember that you’ve got this and it will only last for a short while. There are different stages in parenting and the infant stage flashes by though at the moment it can seem like an eternity. Remember to slow down, ask for help, create a self-care regimen, and most of all soak up every minute with your new bear cub. This is where the bond is established that only you and your cub can understand.
Tip # 4: Avoid the zombie Zone!
Zombie be gone! After having a baby it is so easy to slip into a zombie zone of not knowing the day of the week, the time of day, and most of staying in the same pajamas for days on end. After having my first child, I had slipped into the zombie zone, which is acceptable for a while then there comes a time where you need to get back to yourself. I had continued to wear milk-stained nursing pajamas, hair in a messy bun while rocking those raccoon dark-circles eyes. Even going to the store didn’t motivate me to really get dressed in anything other than yoga pants and a hoodie topped with a messy bun. Sis, take my advice and give yourself time and grace to be in those milk-stained pajamas for the duration of your recovery, then move it on up out of the zombie zone and get a manicure, get a new hairstyle or just simply comb it. Have fun and play in some make-up. Find a new tea or latte that you like. These things may seem little but they make a huge difference when you’ve forgotten who you are. As nurturers, we naturally sacrifice ourselves for those we love. While that’s a beautiful thing, we also need to make sure we are nurturing ourselves as well. Bad soil cannot produce healthy seeds.
Tip #5: Have Grace with Yourself
Above all of the tips given, the most important is to have grace with yourself. You just brought a human being into a world whose survival for the first years depends on you. Whether this is your first pregnancy or fifth, remember that change to your routine is inevitable and things may not always go as planned. You may not get to those dishes right away or spend the amount of time you want with your spouse or kids but know that you’re doing your best. Even when you just need a day to just rest in bed next to your little one and have food delivered to you, THAT IS OK! Do what you can and take each day for what it is knowing that if you feel you’ve failed today, you can do better tomorrow. Rest easy and take care of yourself!
-Hadassah’s Cup